31 July 2009
A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's his turn to be helped. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked the dog what it wanted today. The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said, "How many pounds?"
The dog barked twice, so the butcher made a package of two pounds ground beef.
He then said, "Anything else?"
The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher said, "How many?"
The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up a package of four pork chops.
The dog then walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get at the purse. The butcher took out the appropriate amount of money and tied two packages of meat around the dog's neck. The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow the dog. It walked for several blocks and then walked up to a house and began to scratch at the door to be let in. As the owner opened the door, the man said to the owner, "That's a really smart dog you have there."
The owner said, "He's not really all that smart. This is the second time this week he forgot his key."
Ground beef, Dogbert, Pork chop, Butcher, Home, Food, Cooking, Meat, Pork, smart dog, jokes
30 July 2009
From Denny: Found this over at Jokes.net, enjoy!
Cat Goes to Heaven
One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know." The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again, there is the Lord there to great them with the same offer. The mice answer, "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?" The Lord says, "Say no more," and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?"
The cat stretches and yawns and replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"
Cat, Roller skates, Heaven, Family, Pets, Lord, jokes, Humor
29 July 2009
From Denny: This short video gives new meaning to pet boredom. What kind of a cat walks around the house with a paper sack on his head for fun? Well, this guy does; talk about strange. Time to roll out the pet psychiatrist and pay the deductible, folks!
Just click on the title link to take you there as Yahoo Video only provides links. Also, look for the video by this title of Cat in the Sack on the page.
Cat photo by chefranden @ flickr
Cat, funny pets, funny video, humor
28 July 2009
From Denny: This one really made me laugh! Do they know one of my cats? C'mon, this IS a humor blog... There is not a real cat study going on that I know of, however, for the right price of a few million government dollars I'll be more than happy to do one. Tell me: What outcome would you most prefer? I'll make sure to meet your marketing needs.
Image by Brimley via Flickr
Cat Law of Selective Hearing: "A cat can hear a mouse yawning a mile away, while filtering out the sound of a pleading human just six feet away." - Anonymous
Cat, Yawn, Marketing, Humor
27 July 2009
art photos, funny photos, Bizarre, odd, surreal art, weird fish, weird
26 July 2009
25 July 2009
The elderly woman promoting this product looks like an aging Hollywood grifter. "Sniff this product and you will stay on your diet and never crave food again" is their claim. Ya know what else gets the same result? Cocaine. Makes you wonder what's in this product... Oh, BTW, these folks in the video are all just sniffing a piece of plastic. Talk about selling by the power of suggestion!
Psychedelic experience, Business, Bruno movie comedy Cohen terrorist humor funny video, Materials and Supplies, Food industry, Hypnosis, Food and Related Products, Hypnotherapy, Health, weird ads
24 July 2009
Basically, this is the American convenience fast food version of the French bidet. After all, to quote the salesman hawking this product in the video, "You control the wetness." Enough said. Toilet humor is a bottomless pit of available jokes...
Toilet paper, Humor, Toilets, funny videos, weird ads
23 July 2009
These ad people must be getting paid a lot of money to promote this weirdness. Conversation when ad guy comes home at night for dinner, wife calls out from the kitchen, "Hi, honey! What did you do today at work?" Husband calls back, "Oh, nothing really special, just promoting some exercise equipment to a chain of fetish stores. What's for dinner?"
Save yourself the $30 and just put on the TV, watch a funny movie and laugh a lot - same muscles they are claiming to exercise!
Adult, Fetishes, Kids and Teens, weird ads, Sexuality, Exercise equipment, Fitness, funny video
22 July 2009
Aid, Ayds, Health, Conditions and Diseases, HIV, Sexually transmmitted dieseases
21 July 2009
20 July 2009
From Denny: Here's the latest on the late night show funnies, enjoy!
Photo by Tansan @ flickr
The Late Show With David Letterman
David Letterman: [Former Vice President Dick Cheney's] speech went over pretty well. I mean, Cheney was interrupted five times by applause and 50 times by people screaming, "Stop! I'll tell you everything! What do you want to know?"
Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
Jimmy Fallon: Michelle Obama's on the cover of Time magazine this week. She says she has dinner with a Barack and the kids every night, and then -- oh, it's so cute -- Joe Biden jumps up and tries to lick the plates.
The Colbert Report
David Letterman: The C.I.A. fired back, saying, "It is not our policy or practice to mislead Congress." It's true. Sometimes they just get lucky.
Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Jon Stewart: [President Obama] opened with some familiar rhetoric.
President Obama: Keeping American people safe, it's the first thing I think about when I wake up.
Former President Bush: I wake up every day thinking about how I can best protect America.
Obama: You can't count on a surrender ceremony.
Bush: There will be no surrender ceremony.
Obama: To disrupt, dismantle, defeat al Qaeda.
Bush: To disrupt and destroy terrorists.
Stewart: I love it when he does all the Bush covers.
Joe Biden, Jimmy Fallon, Dick Cheney, Late Show with David Letterman, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Michelle Obama, George W. Bush, Barack Obama
18 July 2009
comedy, funny videos, hilarious, IJustine.com
So, now, instead of teasing your hair and getting split ends and broken hair shafts mid-way up your hair style - now you can rip your hair out from the roots as your scalp goes bald from the inserts' combs digging into your scalp. Hey! Sounds like a great trade-off to me! Fashion hurts, people! You have to pay to play! :)
Hair, Beauty, Scalp, Fashion, Health, Big hair, Shopping, split ends, teasing, Texas
17 July 2009
Slang, Seat belt, English language, Society and Culture, English, Stuffed animal, Tiddy Bear, worst products in the world, Social Sciences, Children, Language
16 July 2009
Bathroom, Home and Garden, Pulp and Paper, Shopping, Toilet paper, Toilet Seats, worst products in the world, Humor, Bizarre, Toilets, funny videos
15 July 2009
CNN Humor News Of the Absurd Twitter Religion Soc Cat Twitter Followers
14 July 2009
outrageous cigarettes Bank of America overcharge fees
13 July 2009
Bruno movie comedy Cohen terrorist humor funny video
11 July 2009
WARNING: Of course, for the tender-minded who don't want to read annoying profanity in place of real vocabulary, you might want to pass... otherwise, proceed at your own risk of laughter!
Here's an excerpt:
PLANO, TX—With the recent trend of wholesome snack foods reaching "truly ridiculous proportions," Frito-Lay announced Monday that it would, against its better judgment, roll out a new line of healthy fruit-and-vegetable-based chips next February.
"Here," said Frito-Lay CEO Al Carey as he disgustedly tossed a bag of the company's new Flat Earth-brand snack crisps onto the lectern during a meeting with shareholders and members of the press. "Here's some shit that's made from beets. I hope you're all happy now that you have your precious beet chips with the recommended daily serving of fruit, or vegetables, or whatever the hell a 'beet' is."
"Mmm, dehydrated bulb things," Carey added. "Sounds delicious."
Carey appeared visibly appalled as Frito-Lay employees distributed Flat Earth snack samples to the audience.
"God help us all, would you look at these flavors," said Carey, gesturing toward a display showcasing the several varieties of Flat Earth chips, including Kauliflower Krunch, Raisins 'N Chives, Cranberry Spinach Explosion, Rutabaga Yum, Tofu Snaps, Eggplant Ecstasy, Broccoloroos, and Watercress. "Look at what you've reduced us to."
Frito-Lay delivery people drop off a "bunch of bullshit to some pricks somewhere."
"Weren't Sun Chips healthy enough for you, you goddamn hippie bastards?" Carey added.
Frito-Lay spokeswoman Lisa Greeley, who said that the company made a commitment in 2004 to develop a healthier line of snacks but "never thought it would actually come to this," described the Flat Earth brand as "tailor-made for the small, vocal minority of health-conscious consumers who apparently can't just be content with salads, bananas, apples, or any of the literally thousands of fruits and vegetables already widely available."
"Our new veggie snacks combine the zesty tang of parsnip, the most mouthwatering root vegetable out there, with the bold flavor of, let's say, jute?" said Greeley before reluctantly bringing a Turnips 'N Radish chip to her mouth and forcing down a full bite. "It's a brand-new taste sensation unlike anything you've ever experienced, unless you've ever eaten sisal twine."
For the last half of the article just click on the title link to take you to their site. Thanks for visiting!
10 July 2009
weird news odd news vacuum car wash Morning Joe
09 July 2009
08 July 2009
Robin Williams Whose Line funny humor video odd comedy performing arts improvisational Arts gospel song
07 July 2009
From Denny: As if you will have advance warning as to when you will die. Have you seen this funny email about how stupid credit card companies are these days? Whether it's a true account or not - we all have had conversations with our credit card companies that border on this lunacy! :) Maybe I should come up with an award for this. Any suggestions of what to title that award? :)
Photo by I'm Fantastic @ flickr (Bozo Sapiens rather fits this incredible story...)
Now some people are really stupid!!!!
Be sure and cancel your credit cards, before you die.
This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.
A lady died in January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge.. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.
Here is the exchange:
Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'
Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'
Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
Citibank: 'Either report her account to the fraud division, or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'
Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'
Citibank: 'Excuse me?'
Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'
Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'
Citibank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'
(so if you have a $0 balance how can they charge late fees & charges?)
Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'
Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)
Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'
Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given )
After they get the fax:
Citibank: 'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'
Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you can just keep billing her. She won't care.'
Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'
(What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'
Citibank: 'That might help....'
Family Member: 'Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 68.'
Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'
Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'
And you wondered why Citi Corp is going broke and needs the feds to bail them out!!
Citibank Citi Corp credit card companies bailout death fees God humor funny bizarre weird news odd outrageous obnoxious credit cards customer service banking services business financial services God humor funny
06 July 2009
This is from the News You Can't Use segment at NBC:
police chief making out prisoner video stupidity
05 July 2009
Watch CBS Videos Online
Independence Day Fourth of July America Thomas Jefferson George Washington Declaration of Independence people and society holidays United States CBS videos American history
Then First Lady Nancy Reagan reopens Statue of Liberty on 100th birthday Image via WikipediaFrom Denny: This is a really good video on the updates to and the history of visiting the Statue of Liberty AND you get an inside view from the top looking out over the harbor - best video I've seen on the recent renovation project. It's nice to see we have an administration who promotes freedom instead of fear by reopening the Statue of Liberty and other federal buildings like the White House to the viewing from the public!
Watch CBS Videos Online
CBS Statue of Liberty freedom America United States travel renovation video Obama tourism New York Manhattan Society and culture
Word Cloud Photo by Denny Lyon
Copyright 2 July 2009
All Rights Reserved
Read a tribute poem about the passing of a music legend over at The Social Poets blog under this post of a coffee recipe and a poem:
Libations Friday! 3 July 2009
Have a safe weekend, everyone! Thanks for visiting!
04 July 2009
The mortars and candles are all placed on a barge, which is moored just offshore in the Columbia River. The entire show is fired by a computer and is synced with music that is broadcast on a local FM radio station. The head honcho is required to hold down a "deadman switch" for the entire length of the display (about 45 minutes.) If he releases the button, the show stops....
Uploaded by Paul Vernon Photography on 14 Dec 06, 2.20AM CDT.
He says he wants to inspire other elderly men. I can only imagine the comments: Old guys at a nursing home gathered in front of the TV, passing the popcorn, and saying, "You go, man! Do it for the team!" A room full of giggles from the staff passing by.
Too bad they didn't interview some of the Japanese public as I'd like to hear their thoughts. See what you think.
03 July 2009
02 July 2009
From Denny: I dare you - I double dare you - to tell these cats to get off the counter!
Photo from dailymail in the uk on article about a South African woman, Riana Van Nieuwenhuizen, who took in 4 orphaned cheetahs, 5 lions and two tigers. Cool lady!
01 July 2009
From Denny: Whoa! Major ouch! Hope that's just an art installation, some people don't look too sure...definitely the art of the double take going on here! :)