27 November 2009

Get Your Corporate Version of the Zodiac Read



From Denny: Here's another odd gem found on the web this week. Obviously, the writer was well versed in corporate careers.

1. MARKETING

You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing, which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.

2. SALES

Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree," you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with "customers" so you can "concentrate on "the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

3. TECHNOLOGY

Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying, but who the hell can tell?! It is so written that "the geeks shall inherit the Earth."

4. ENGINEERING

One of only two signs that actually studied in school, it is said that ninety percent of all personal ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself: your office is typically full of all the latest "ergo-dynamic" gadgets. However, everyone knows what's really causing your "carpal tunnel"...

5. ACCOUNTING

The only other sign that studied in school, you are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.

6. HUMAN RESOURCES

Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch, and mail a letter!

7. MIDDLE MANAGEMENT/DEPARTMENT MANAGEMENT/"TEAM LEADS"

Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers," as everyone in your social circle is a "Middle Manager."

8. SENIOR MANAGEMENT

Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Senior Managers," as everyone in your social circle is a "Senior Manager."

9. CUSTOMER SERVICE

Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As a child very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your boss.

*** Thanks for visiting and be sure to get more laughs over at another silly blog, Dennys Funny Quotes, complete with cartoons and funny videos and photos!

26 November 2009

Ouch Rude Video: Mocking Martha Stewart

From Denny: Don't get me wrong; I like Martha Stewart. I also realize she has a huge ego and is often "over the top" just like powerful men get when they have more than their egos can handle wisely. Somehow, this was funny anyway! :)

From our friends over at South Park cartoons. These guys are mocking Martha Stewart. I like Martha Stewart and so do these guys in their own very cracked downright unbalanced way. They are having fun both with teaching others how to craft and the menopausal women doing socially inappropriate things that are, well, funny!

*** If you are sensitive to obnoxious humor or are a fellow woman you may not want to view this. One thing is for sure, only a male would have contemplated writing this video in this manner and then take the time to create it. Not exactly the kind of thing a woman would consider doing for humor.

I see a lot of these kinds of spoofs on high profile big ego people on the internet. Frankly, I'm surprised there isn't more as it looks like Martha gets off relatively easy. What is funny about it, though couched in crude terms, is the mocking of Martha taking adult women back to their kindergarten days of cut and paste - and making money off it - as she is basically mocking her own audience in so doing!

Guess this rude video qualifies for both the Ouch and Outrageous categories! :) Martha is probably secreting enjoying all the attention...

South ParkWed 10pm / 9c
Spring Is On The Way
www.southparkstudios.com
Joke of the DayStand-Up ComedyFree Online Games


*** Thanks for visiting and make sure to pay a visit to my other silly humor blog, Dennys Funny Quotes! :)

25 November 2009

5 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes, Photos



Trash-talking turkeys just passing the time until someone took them seriously... Photo by stevevoght @ flickr from another of my funny posts: 21 Funny Thanksgiving Fighting Turkey Photos

From Denny: I found some hilarious Thanksgiving Day quotes along with a few smart jokes and LOL holiday poems for this week's Cheeky Quote Day over at The Social Poets blog. Click on the links below for the full post of funnies and the Obama Turkey Pardon Preparation Video. Here's a sampling taste to get you started on your holiday grinning, enjoy!

Quotes

* If you count all your assets, you always show a profit. ~ Robert Quillen

* Here I am 5 o'clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt. - Roseanne Barr

* It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with 'gourmet' status. - Russell Baker

* Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. ~ Michael Dresser

* I love Thanksgiving turkey. It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. ~ Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger

*** For more funny holiday quotes, holiday jokes and hilarious poems, the Obama funny video about his first act of turkey pardoning (wonder if it's name is Cheney???) and great holiday recipe links, check out The Social Poets and Cheeky Quote Day, go here.

*** Thanks for visiting and come back often for a grin! :)

24 November 2009

Funny Management Corporate Lesson of the Bird



Photo by I'm Fantastic @ flickr

The Bird and The Cat

A little bird was flying south for the winter.

It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lessons:

a) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy
b) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
c) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut.


*** Thanks for visiting and be sure to get more laughs over at another silly blog, Dennys Funny Quotes, complete with cartoons and funny videos and photos!

23 November 2009

21 Funny Thanksgiving Fighting Turkey Photos

... And this is how you do the Turkey Strut to get some jealous feathers flying!



Photo by stevevoght @ flickr


Trash-talking turkeys just passing the time until someone took them seriously...



Photo by stevevoght @ flickr


Hey, there! Anyone wanna rumble?



Photo by Hey Paul @ flickr


And the lone hearty tail-nipped challenger swaggers in to approach the fight...



Photo by stevevoght @ flickr


Whoa! Hold on there, fella! I'm supposed to be first in line. That's why they call it The Pecking Order!



Photo by stevevoght @ flickr


... And the yard brawl is well under way with lots of shock and awe spectators...



Photo by stevevoght @ flickr


Are those two squaring off already? Show-offs!



Photo by stevevoght @ flickr


You know they mean business to win the kickboxing championship - they pull out the spurs on the back of their feet to fight dirty...



Photo by stevevoght @ flickr


Gotcha! Now you know who's top wing around here, mister!



Photo by stevevoght @ flickr


Head stomping you senseless, buddy! That'll teach you to mess with my woman...



Photo by stevevoght @ flickr


When you're tired all you're left with is neck chomping...



Photo by stevevoght @ flickr


Yeah, we bad, we bad... we love it when we win the fights!



Photo by eye of einstein @ flickr


Last beak dance cuz it's time to kiss and make up, bird brains!



Photo by stevevoght @ flickr


See ya, time to get outta here!



Photo by Hey Paul @ flickr


Hey! We were just watching the fight as bystanders...



Photo by Hey Paul @ flickr


... And we were all getting along so well there for a while...



Photo by Hey Paul @ flickr


Whoa! Time for a pedicure before the big holiday!



Photo by Hey Paul @ flickr


I was voted Most Handsome and Most Likely to End Up on the Dinner Table, isn't that just great?



Photo by Kevin Saff @ flickr


Who says I'm a candidate for ugly.com? You says? Naw, the girls, they love me!



Photo by David Reece @ flickr

... But my two cousins in the next photo are stone cold ugly!



Photo by D'Arcy Norman @ flickr


Prez Obama pardoned me today, whew! Glad to avoid the holiday table one more year. Think I'll vacation in the Hamptons for the season...



Photo by kimjonesphotography @ flickr

By Denny Lyon

*** Thanks for visiting and come back often!

21 November 2009

Lampooning Editorial Cartoons 21 Nov 2009



From Denny: Every Saturday I round up the best editorial cartoons of the week. They sure do lampoon the latest news! This week women have been up in arms angry at new health care guidelines which sounded really lame. There is the controversy over bringing Gitmo terrorists onto American soil to hang 'em in the New York courts just blocks away from the still destroyed Twin Towers area. Comments about Prez Obama's trips to Japan and China, too much bowing and nice-nice for most cartoonists apparently. Plenty of cartoonists lampooning Congress about health care.

Be sure to check out the funny video of Comedy Central's Jon Stewart lampooning the Palin book tour and the GOP in general. There are real news headline links to check out about the book tour farce and how Palin has already stiffed her fans, leaving them hanging literally out in the cold for hours in the rain in Indiana. They were not happy campers at all. Well, that's what you get when your hero is a fantasy: reality face slaps.

So, hike on over to The Social Poets where I park those cartoons every week and enjoy yourself today! BTW, thanks, everyone for visiting. You have been coming by the thousands, quite the unexpected turnout for my comedy parties, thank you! I'll make sure I order more appetizers for my hungry hordes... :)

This Weeks Editorial Cartoons 21 Nov 2009

20 November 2009

Ouch Joke: Corporate Management Lesson for a Real Turkey



Photo by David Reece @ flickr

Turkey Corporate Management Lesson

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy.

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a hunter, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson: Bull sh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

19 November 2009

Ouch: How Are Businesses Just Like Prostitutes?



Regular love fest of you and your cat with the high five paws...

From Denny: Ran across this funny joke about comparing hotel industry workers to prostitutes. Well, you could compare a lot of businesses these days to prostitutes - just ask the guys on Wall Street. If they aren't acting like a prostitute they are renting one...

***

Working in the hotel industry is almost like prostitution. Why?

1. We work in weird shifts.... just like a prostitute.

2. They pay you to make the client happy.... so does a prostitute.

3. The client pays a lot of money, but your employer keeps almost every penny.... so does a prostitute.

4. You are rewarded for fulfilling the client's desires...same as a prostitute.

5. Your friends fall apart and you end up hanging out with people in the same profession as you...

6. When you have to meet the client you always have to be perfectly groomed.

7. But when you go back home it seems like you are coming back from hell.

8. The client always wants to pay less but expects incredible things from you.

11. If things turn out to be wrong is always your fault... need we add more?

12. Everyday when u wake up you say: I'M NOT GONNA SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE DOING THIS..... just like a prostitute.

Upside of being a prostitute:

The only difference is that the prostitutes can take Christmas and New Year's Eve OFF!!!

If you know someone in the hospitality industry, send this article so they don't feel bad anymore.... like a prostitute. Validation is a good thing.

*** Thanks for visiting and come back often!

18 November 2009

7 Funny Quotes About Reading Habits



Reading Upside Down Photo by garryknight @ flickr

From Denny: Today, and every Wednesday, is Cheeky Quote Day over at The Social Poets, one of my many blogs where I dance on the airwaves. Here's a sampling of what's going on today:

Quotes

* A classic is something that everybody wants to have read
and nobody wants to read. ~ Mark Twain ~

* Never lend books, for no one ever returns them;
the only books I have in my library are books
that other folks have left me. ~ Anatole France ~

* I read the newspaper avidly. It is my one form of continuous fiction. ~ Aneurin Bevan ~

* Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore? ~ Henry Ward Beecher ~

* Outside a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
~ Groucho Marx ~

* Books are the blessed chloroform of the mind. ~ Robert Chambers ~

* Never judge a book by its movie.
~ J. W. Eagan ~


*** To read a bonanza of funny quotes like this, hike on over to The Social Poets for Cheeky Quote Day to get some more grins, go here.

*** Thanks for visiting and come back often! :)

17 November 2009

Catch Up on This Weeks 51 Posts At Dennys Blogs 17 Nov 2009



From Denny: After a year of blogging, I turned around and suddenly realized I've been producing a lot of content. Nor am I silly enough to think you check in every day with every blog. :) So, in case you missed anything this week, here's a menu of various posts all in one place for an easy read - and bookmark - so you can read when you feel like it:

From The Social Poets:

Roundup of Sunday Funnies 16 Nov 2009

Life Advice Poem by Rudyard Kipling

This Weeks Editorial Cartoons 14 Nov 2009

Reflections of That Moment - Libations Friday! 13 Nov 2009

5 Powerful Soul Affirmations, Soul Journey Poem

Funny Money Advice - Cheeky Quote Day! 11 Nov 2009

Musicians Are Territorial Animals, Funny Post by David Thomas

Roundup of Late Night Funnies, Cartoons 9 Nov 2009

From the funny posts at Dennys Funny Quotes and Ouch Outrageous Obnoxious And Odd:


From Dennys Funny Quotes:

Funny Secret to Longevity Photo and Story

10 Funny Love Quotes, Funny Cat Photo

Funny Money Advice, Cheeky Quote Day at The Social Poets

Video: Weirdest American Gluttony Foods

3 Paradoxically Funny Head Scratching Quotes

Awww, 7 Funny Dog Photos to Make You Laugh

What's stupidly popular at Dennys Funny Quotes these days:

42 Monday Morning Funny Coffee Quotes, Coffee Cartoon

25 Weird Coffee Trivia to Astound and Amuse You

10 Funny Work Quotes for Monday Morning

5 Monday Morning Posts to Get You Laughing!

From Ouch Outrageous Obnoxious And Odd:

9 Funny Socially Inappropriate Store Signs - what gets lost in translation from Chinese or Japanese into English, some really tacky ones!

Ouch! Best Love Story in Three Pictures: Prez Bush and Sec Condi Rice - a bit silly.

Outrageous Video: Overview of World Censorship on the Web - serious look at how content is heavily censored and in which countries, interesting overview.

First Lady Michelle Obama on Leno Show - how the Obamas don't take themselves too seriously.

Odd News Video: Liquor Warehouse Implodes in Russia

Weird News: Man in Breathalizer Costume Arrested by Police

10 Outrageous Glenn Beck Quotes That Prove Insanity

From the food blogs, Romancing The Chocolate and Comfort Food From Louisiana:

From Romancing The Chocolate:

Savory Chocolate Recipe: Mini Hamburger Sliders with Sauce

Chocolate Trivia from Horror Director Hitchcock

Video: Cool Food Gifts for the Holidays, Southern Sweet Chocolate Coconut Pie Recipe

3 Quick Awesome Chocolate Recipes for the Holidays

Chocolate Trivia - Who Are the Biggest Chocolate Gluttons on the Planet?

Warm Chocolate Pudding Cake

From Comfort Food From Louisiana:

Video and Recipes: Holiday Challah and Ciabatta Stuffings, Vegetarian and Sausage

Cajun Joke: Boat For Sale by Beaudreaux and Thibodeaux

Video and Recipes: 3 Fabulous New Orleans Sweets

Cajun Joke: Boudreaux and Thibodeaux Fix Destroyed New Orleans Levee

Video: Unbelievable, OK, Weird, Foods and Recipes

Cajun Joke: Boudreaux and Thibodeaux Play Golf

Video and Recipes: Lobster Grits Polenta, Turkey Andouille Sausage Grits Casserole

Coca-Cola Glazed Baby Back Ribs

From Beautiful Illustrated Quotations:


Life is a Gift!

Whats Your Attitude Toward Life?

Veterans Day Quote, Links to Memorial Poems, Peace Quotes

3 Wonderful Quotes About Joy

5 Powerful Soul Affirmations, Soul Journey Poem

How Do You Know If You Have a Weak Mind?

When Something Inside You Dies, Do You Know How to Renew Your Life?

Do You Sell Your Soul For Others Admiration?

From The Healing Waters:

Video: Tim McGraw Making a Difference

Video: Halle Berry Making a Difference for Battered Women

The Perfect Work Quote to Keep Your Head Straight on Monday Mornings

Video: Awareness, and Gibran Quote

*** Thanks for visiting and come back often! :)

16 November 2009

9 Funny Socially Inappropriate Store Signs



From Denny: Nothing is better for a laugh than when a non-native English speaker decides to try and translate and then paints it in huge letters and parks it on a sign outside his store. It's a good laugh for those "in the know."

What's worse like the above sign? They are native English speakers and still don't get it! :) I mean, who is left in America that does not know the word cum spelled like that is so unacceptable in polite company???



The funniest get lost in translation from Chinese or Japanese into English as this one from San Francisco's Japantown district.



Do ya think they maybe meant to say it was a Good clothing store?



Can't wait to go try that hamburger joint. Oh, forget it, lost my appetite...



Having lived in Taiwan as a kid I know what they were really trying to say: The Happy Rooster, yeah, actually. Sure got lost in translation, now didn't it...



Can you imagine the look on the face of the guy who created the sign or the strange looks from on-lookers as they were installing it on the store front? Well, maybe not, it's in Germany.



Surely these folks are not serious... would not set foot in there no matter what. Maybe a simple Welcome sign might have been smarter.



Sure looks intentional, no letter missing. Someone might want to tell them...



And for a life-changing experience, feel free to visit the favorite establishment of Hannibal Lector. Reminds me of some of the funny signs I saw while vacationing in Greece.

*** Thanks for visiting and come back often! You never know what I'll find while roaming the internet... :)

12 November 2009

Ouch! Best Love Story in Three Pictures: Prez Bush and Sec Condi Rice

From Denny: The funny things you find while roaming the internet... It was long suspected Condi Rice and Bush had a long-standing affair though it never became public knowledge. Of course, neither did his binge drinking and long weekend drunks the Secret Service and aides were fairly adept at covering up. I still like the tale of how he supposedly choked on a preztel or how about the other White House fairy tale that Bush fell on his bike. Now, come on, they had to "spin" those facial bruises. Somehow, they just couldn't blame it on the First Lady, Laura.








*** Thanks for visiting and come back often for a grin! :)

11 November 2009

Funny Money Advice, Cheeky Quote Day at The Social Poets



Money at hand by Don Hankin @ flickr

From Denny: It's Cheeky Quote Day over at The Social Poets where I stash a lot of humor as well. Actually, TSP was the blog that started it all with the funny quotes posts! Then the blog, Dennys Funny Quotes, spun off, guess it was a case of ROTFLOL...

As I researched just a few money quotes they struck me as, well, so odd they were funny. Guess I couldn’t help myself in the cheeky department, as an irreverent being and all. Then I ran across a cute quiz for odd words and phrases to entertain you too.

Here's a sampling of some of the oddest money advice quotes:

* Never invest in any idea you can't illustrate with a crayon. - Peter Lynch

* If the nation's economists were laid end to end, they would point in all directions. - Arthur H. Motley

* Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells. - J. Paul Getty

* The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. - Frank Hubbard

* Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. - Robert Orben

*** For the full post with more funnies and the quiz, Funny Money Advice - Cheeky Quote Day 11 Nov 2009, go here.

08 November 2009

Outrageous Video: Overview of World Censorship on the Web

From Denny: This video zips along at a fast pace, full of diagrams, so you may need to watch it twice. :) Quite an eye-opener if you haven't seen this. Pass it forward to your friends so they realize just how much freedom we have in America to enjoy the internet. Amazing how little access some countries experience...

07 November 2009

Awww, 7 Funny Dog Photos to Make You Laugh

From Denny: 7 funny dog photos to amuse and delight! I've been collecting these for a while this past year. Like so many things floating around on the worldwide web, many are without proper attribution to the photographer. If you happen to know about any of these images, shoot me an email: Denny Lyon - warriorspearl @ gmail.com. Glad to hear from you, thanks!

Photo courtesy of byme249 @ StumbleUpon - he collects a lot of funnies; check him out!



Ouch! From the socially inappropriate, and ironically true...



Photo by ano-cha @ flickr of Cocoa the dachsund clowning around.



Sunning Lab mocks by sticking his tongue out at the photographer. No attribution available on this one, if you know, shoot me an email.



I'm crazy for ya, baby! by inga @ flickr



Oh, the art of hiding out with my pet dog who is clueless...



Jack Russell terriers sleeping with their pet cheetah on the master's bed in South Africa - this came from a story from a UK newspaper.



*** Thanks for visiting and come back often! Keep laughing!

06 November 2009

First Lady Michelle Obama on Leno Show

From Denny: The Obamas have a great sense of humor and don't take themselves too seriously. When asked what her girls were wearing for Halloween costumes, she quipped, "You need a security clearance for that one!" I'll bet you do, duh!

Apparently, her biggest pet peeve with her famous husband is that he beats her continuously on the tennis courts. After all, these are two lawyers married to each other; you can only imagine how competitive they get from time to time...

Leno wanted to know that as any political wife, what did she whisper to her husband after his speeches? She said she usually asks him if he had already taken out the garbage.

Take a look at her appearance on the Jay Leno Show via satellite:

05 November 2009

Odd News Video: Liquor Warehouse Implodes in Russia

From Denny: Keith Olbermann is only too happy to oblige us with some weird news of his own. This news video is from Russia where you get to watch as some not smart guy keeps backing up a forklift into the mountainous shelves of cases of vodka and cognac. Watch as the metal shelves bend under the weight and the entire warehouse starts crashing down. We can only imagine the reeking smell of the place. Bet his boss was soooo happy with that guy the next day!



What is really weird is the first story about a drunk guy in a convenience store trying to walk down the aisle with yet another six-pack of beer. Unbelievable. This video shows the liquor store collapse too on the second portion.

04 November 2009

6 Ironic Grinners! Cheeky Quote Day at The Social Poets - 4 Nov 2009



Ironic funny quotes comin' at ya, hard and fast! :)

From Denny: Found a lot of witty quotes for the Cheeky Quote Day! segment over at The Social Poets today! They will definitely get you thinking while you are laughing, a real two-fer to keep the brain cells in stellar fitness shape. :)

Witty quotes also make great writing prompts as they expose your mind to thinking about a subject from a different angle. Construct your own writing exercises for your blog or journal. Riffing off of quotes really does a lot to improve your writing. Give it a try and see for yourself!



Here are a few funny quotes for your tasty mind candy today (while you are detoxing from your Halloween candy high):

Quotes

* All my best thoughts were stolen by the ancients. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

* Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. - Aldous Huxley

* The sinning is the best part of repentance. - Arab Proverb

* Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same. - G.B. Shaw, "Maxims for Revolutionists," 1898

* It's pretty hard to be efficient without being obnoxious. - Kin Hubbard

* Is a stolen copyright a copywrong? – Anonymous

*** Thanks for visiting, much appreciated and come back often for a grin!

*** To get to Ironic Grinners - Cheeky Quote Day! 4 Nov 2009 - go here.
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