09 February 2013

Outrageous: What Everyone Needs: A Hot Tub Boat

The Hot Tub Boat

From Denny:  Looking to pamper yourself because you have more money than you know what to do with? Getting ready for the very popular Rich Man's Spring Accoutremount and Wardrobe season?

Are you so ultra conservative Republican you resent your local Food Bank begging for help because it has empty shelves?  Figure said Food Bank doesn't need donations for half of the formerly wealthy struggling middle class now living in poverty?

Then this outrageous rich man's toy is for you!  For wealthy green folks know that this is an electric boat.

It's called The Hot Tub Boat, hand made from a marine carpenter specializing in custom house boats in Seattle, Washington, USA.  The awesome deck is a slatted beauty, made from African teak wood.

How big is it?

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Big enough for you and plenty of friends with dimensions of 8 feet long, 4 feet wide and 24 inches deep.  This boat only drafts at 20 inches.  Of course, the hot tub portion of the boat is centered for optimum buoyancy and stability.  Just make sure you and your six friends do not weigh more than the maximum allowed of 2100 pounds.  You can always throw a couple of guys over board if they tip the scales.  The full boat dimensions are it's 16' length overall x 6'3" beam.  Sah-weet!

The tub's water is heated to a comfy 104 degrees by an integrated diesel-powered boiler that sports an adjustable thermostat.  When you get too hot in the tub just use the teak swim step that gives you an easy entry into and from the surrounding lake water.

You can listen to music thanks to a waterproof stereo system and two flush-mounted 50-watt speaker deck pop-ups.  So where do you hide the ice chests?  There are room for four ice chests cleverly integrated both fore and aft into the deck.  Sorry, no toilet on deck when you rent that tasty boutique beer.  Looks like you will have to pee in the lake.  Just give the local fish a heads up as you tread water.

For all the engineering geeks out there:  How much does it weigh?  (I had a male engineering friend that actually asked this of a car dealer while his wife was negotiating price.  If looks could kill from her as he broke her momentum - with a giggle from the salesman...)  Answer:  Dry weight is 1,200 pounds.  You are on your own to figure out how much it weighs in the water with a full hot tub plus six adult bathers.  Take that word problem to the Navy and Coast Guard recruiters.  It will make their day.

Check out the 24-volt electric motor that will get you going at the top speed of 5 mph if its calm water.  It's way too easy to steer via a joystick which is located starboard/aft.  That's a good thing since most of you will probably be drunk skunks so it prevents you from being a danger to others on the water.  

The Hot Tub Boat enjoys a rechargeable battery bank that will provide you with up to 10 hours of power from an overnight charge.  This electric motor has a built-in Smart Plug shore power connection as well as on-board chargers.  And it also includes the all-important hot tub cover so you can hide it from the annoying glare of your jealous friends eager to own their own Hot Tub Boat.

Remember, you are helping to employ at least one carpenter to help the economy.  He's "a job creator"!  This "job creator" charges $42,000 for your latest and totally unnecessary toy.  Don't everyone go out all at once and buy one.  I'm sure there's a long waiting list.  I hear reverse psychology works wonders in marketing.

Where can you purchase said rich man's toy?  Let your online fingers do the walking - and the spending:  Hammacher Schlemmer.  And hey, if you are feeling generous, feel free to send a huge tip via any one of my 24 blogs' Google Wallet contribution buttons.  All hefty donations are much appreciated.  I'm not proud.  That's why I'm Ouch Outrageous Obnoxious And Odd.

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