The Social Poets: Im Just Saying: Funny Way To Stop Scam Pest Callers

Logo for the United States National Do Not Call Registry. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Social Poets: Im Just Saying: Funny Way To Stop Scam Pest Callers: From Denny:  So we know the national Do Not Call Registry is pretty much a waste of time.  Scammers call anyway.  There are so many of them they are like roaches running away from a can of bug spray.

The problem is so rampant that you wonder if the government does more than just fine them in order to put more money into their political campaigns and the national treasury.  The wronged citizen sees no money, no justice and certainly no peace of mind away from these scammers.  Just how can we get rid of these telepests?


Checking out various sites where we can report these scammer callers it's the usual standard fare:  people are surprised, curious, in need of anger management.  But on one site a particular comment caught my eye.

Before I could finish reading it I was laughing so hard I practically did fall off my chair.

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Ouch Joke: Blonde Repair Kit

Photo by BodogGirl @ flickr

Joke


Josh was helping Sally, a blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.

Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.

She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."

Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"

Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."

Ouch Category: Retired Fighter Pilot Joke

Image via Wikipedia

From Denny: This is from a friend and fellow blogger over at MyBlogLog who is hilarious. Jay's site is named Daily Hogwash and is sometimes a bit edgy. You can click on the title link to take you to his blog. This is one of his latest story jokes:

"Retired Fighter Pilot

A ragged, old, derelict shuffled into a down and dirty bar. Stinking of whisky and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and handed it to the bartender.

I'd like to apply for the job," he said. "I was an F-4 Phantom pilot and a Colonel in the Arizona Air National Guard, but when they retired the Phantom program they bagged me as well. So, I learned to play the piano the GI Bill.

The barkeep wasn't too sure about this rather doubtful looking old guy, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off. So, the barkeep decided to give him a try and said, "OK Give me a sample of your playing."

The Colonel staggered his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered. By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced. What followed was a rhapsody of sound and music, unlike anyone had heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

The bartender took the old fighter pilot a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played. It's called "Drop your Skivvies, Baby, I'm Going Balls To The Wall For You!" said the Colonel, after he took a long pull from the beer.

"And I wrote it myself," he said.

The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player then went on with a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping.

After he finished, the fighter pilot acknowledged the applause and told the crowd the song was called, "Big Knockers Make My Afterburner Light." He then excused himself as he stumbled and lurched to the john.

When he came out the bartender went over to him and said, "Look Colonel, the job is yours, but do you know your fly is open and your Unit is hanging out?"

"Know it?" the old fighter pilot replied, "Heck, I wrote it!""

Outrageous Category

Image by Nick Wilkes via Flickr

This is one of those funny emails I received recently. It's a bit crass, folks, so if you are of the delicate persuasion, then don't read any further. But hey! If you enjoy a bit of offbeat silliness with a ring of truth in it, enjoy! :)


The Why's of Men


1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(Because they are plugged into a genius.)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(They don't have enough time.)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(They don't stop to ask directions.)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(Because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock. You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN 20% LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(You need a rough draft before you make a final copy.)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(Don't know... it never happened and probably never will in my life time. C'mon, guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

And the personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.)