Obnoxious Joke: Camel Questions

Image by Neil Carey via Flickr

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom, why have I got these huge three toed feet?"

The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand."
"Okay," says the son.

A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?"

"They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert."

"Thanks Mom," replies the son.

After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??"

His mother replies impatiently, "They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert."

"That's great Mom. So we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes, and these humps to store water, but Mom..."

"Yes, son?"

"Do we really need all of these in the zoo?"

Obnoxious Category: Two Bulls Talking About Women

Photo by Darren Copley @ flickr

From Denny: Here's a cute joke...

The young bull leans over to the older more experienced bull and says,"Hey! Check out all the women over there! Let's run down the hill, grab one and have our way with her!"

The older more experienced bull looks over at the younger bull with great disdain and offers his sage advice, winking, "Let's walk down the hill and have our way with all of them!"

Ouch Category: How Do You Define the Different Generations?

From Denny: A funny email popped up in today's inbox from friend John C. Get yourself a grin and enjoy your weekend, everyone!

How Do You Define the Different Generations?

- The Silent generation, people born before 1944.

- The Baby Boomers, people born between 1945 and 1962.

- Generation X , people born between 1963 and 1979.

- Generation Y, people born between 1980 and 2001.

Why do we call the last one generation Y?

A cartoonist explains it eloquently below... Learn something new!



From: Journal de Quebec, published 22 January 2008.

Now, make someone else laugh. Send along this link! And have a great day.

Girl Muffin Tops Still Baking in the Oven

From Denny: Yet another irreverant stab at American culture by our favorite sarcastic writer, Christoph Reilly over at his blog The Crusty Curmudgeon!

Here's an excerpt:

"Here in the expansive but not dilatent offices of The Curmudgeon, we have been most occupied with the notion of “muffin tops.” These are not the muffin tops that you eat (usually) or that they make Seinfield episodes about, but rather the human muffin tops displayed when someone wears a too-tight piece of clothing around their hips causing fatty tissue to “spill” over the top, like a muffin. Use it in a sentence thusly: “Wow! Check out the muffin top on that chick!”

Certainly men can have a muffin top too, but you and me, society and culture as a whole are only concerned with women. We admire them. We loathe them. We study them. We praise and criticize them. We paste their pictures in the trashy gossip mags and scrutinize them, and that’s what you do, sister. Men take all the flack, but women are the drive behind this physical examination of females. I have said in the past that by studying women you will learn about men, and more about our culture than you ever considered. So…let’s consider the muffin top.

The Heavy Bran Muffin or the Delicate Blueberry?

Obviously, heavier women are more easily “muffin topped,” (Can I verb that?) but any female can get one. Unless, of course, you are one of these ultra-thin runway models who are more androgynous than womanly, if you ask me,. How the fashion industry gets away with pushing this waif, half-starved, “scuse me mister, got a farthing so a girl can buy a bit of bread” image on us is beyond my comprehension.

Notice too that I have avoided saying whether the muffin top is good or bad. It is almost universally described as bad, as in “dreaded muffin top.” I, however, think the muffin top could go either way. Some women clearly should put some clothes on. But others…well, lets just say I am like the trained dog on a walk with his master, never leaving my “heeled” position, who suddenly sees a female dog with the sun shining in her fur, who cannot move, but simply cocks his head as if to say, “Huh?” Obviously, there are different degrees, and I have labored to show examples that are not too extreme.

Where the Muffin Top Came From

The term “muffin top” was coined by Kath and Kim, the Australian comediennes. The condition of “muffin toppedness” began during the late 60’s to early 70’s with the introduction of low-rise and hip hugger pants. They defied the true female form, which forced the skin and fat around her waist, back, and buttocks to spill out over the top. Women are supposed to have a little extra there. Add a crop top and you get the full effect.

Mercifully or not, depending on your outlook, the low-rise/hip huggers went the way of beehive hairdo, but as the wise old saying goes: remember – history – condemned – repeat. So low-rise pants came back, this time escorted by mid-riff tops. It was during the mid to late 90’s, but there was actually a theory behind it this time. The idea was to make the woman’s torso appear longer, and thereby thinner, than it actually was. And it all came from trying to adapt men’s pants to women.

Whoops, The Muffin Top is Born

Men’s pants normally have lower waists and men have naturally longer torsos, narrower hips, and smaller pelvis’. “Hey,” exclaimed the fashion industry, “let’s adapt men’s pants to women and then they’ll appear to have longer torsos too!” And so muffin tops were born. Fashion industry goes wrong…again."

For the rest of this funny article, go here.

Obnoxious: The Geography of a Woman and a Man

From: A Majority of Two blog

The Geography of a Woman

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful.

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe, well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all-conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet, wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages ... only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.

The Geography of a Man

Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran ...

... ruled by nuts.

Photo by zenera @ flickr

Outrageous Category

Image by Nick Wilkes via Flickr

This is one of those funny emails I received recently. It's a bit crass, folks, so if you are of the delicate persuasion, then don't read any further. But hey! If you enjoy a bit of offbeat silliness with a ring of truth in it, enjoy! :)


The Why's of Men


1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(Because they are plugged into a genius.)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(They don't have enough time.)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(They don't stop to ask directions.)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(Because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock. You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN 20% LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(You need a rough draft before you make a final copy.)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(Don't know... it never happened and probably never will in my life time. C'mon, guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

And the personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.)