06 May 2009

Girl Muffin Tops Still Baking in the Oven

From Denny: Yet another irreverant stab at American culture by our favorite sarcastic writer, Christoph Reilly over at his blog The Crusty Curmudgeon!

Here's an excerpt:

"Here in the expansive but not dilatent offices of The Curmudgeon, we have been most occupied with the notion of “muffin tops.” These are not the muffin tops that you eat (usually) or that they make Seinfield episodes about, but rather the human muffin tops displayed when someone wears a too-tight piece of clothing around their hips causing fatty tissue to “spill” over the top, like a muffin. Use it in a sentence thusly: “Wow! Check out the muffin top on that chick!”

Certainly men can have a muffin top too, but you and me, society and culture as a whole are only concerned with women. We admire them. We loathe them. We study them. We praise and criticize them. We paste their pictures in the trashy gossip mags and scrutinize them, and that’s what you do, sister. Men take all the flack, but women are the drive behind this physical examination of females. I have said in the past that by studying women you will learn about men, and more about our culture than you ever considered. So…let’s consider the muffin top.

The Heavy Bran Muffin or the Delicate Blueberry?

Obviously, heavier women are more easily “muffin topped,” (Can I verb that?) but any female can get one. Unless, of course, you are one of these ultra-thin runway models who are more androgynous than womanly, if you ask me,. How the fashion industry gets away with pushing this waif, half-starved, “scuse me mister, got a farthing so a girl can buy a bit of bread” image on us is beyond my comprehension.

Notice too that I have avoided saying whether the muffin top is good or bad. It is almost universally described as bad, as in “dreaded muffin top.” I, however, think the muffin top could go either way. Some women clearly should put some clothes on. But others…well, lets just say I am like the trained dog on a walk with his master, never leaving my “heeled” position, who suddenly sees a female dog with the sun shining in her fur, who cannot move, but simply cocks his head as if to say, “Huh?” Obviously, there are different degrees, and I have labored to show examples that are not too extreme.

Where the Muffin Top Came From

The term “muffin top” was coined by Kath and Kim, the Australian comediennes. The condition of “muffin toppedness” began during the late 60’s to early 70’s with the introduction of low-rise and hip hugger pants. They defied the true female form, which forced the skin and fat around her waist, back, and buttocks to spill out over the top. Women are supposed to have a little extra there. Add a crop top and you get the full effect.

Mercifully or not, depending on your outlook, the low-rise/hip huggers went the way of beehive hairdo, but as the wise old saying goes: remember – history – condemned – repeat. So low-rise pants came back, this time escorted by mid-riff tops. It was during the mid to late 90’s, but there was actually a theory behind it this time. The idea was to make the woman’s torso appear longer, and thereby thinner, than it actually was. And it all came from trying to adapt men’s pants to women.

Whoops, The Muffin Top is Born

Men’s pants normally have lower waists and men have naturally longer torsos, narrower hips, and smaller pelvis’. “Hey,” exclaimed the fashion industry, “let’s adapt men’s pants to women and then they’ll appear to have longer torsos too!” And so muffin tops were born. Fashion industry goes wrong…again."

For the rest of this funny article, go here.

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