Obnoxious Silly Mother in Law Jokes Just in Time 4 Mothers Day

From Denny: These obnoxious jokes are really just plain silly and done in good fun. The reality for me is that my mother-in-law turned out to be a fabulous friend for me - and was in my corner fighting FOR me instead of AGAINST me. Most American women are not so lucky as I was.

She died a few years ago from lung cancer - a nonsmoker no less - guess that's what you get for living in Louisiana on the Gulf of Mexico all your life - because it is affectionately known by the locals as Cancer Alley. I still miss her. Even she would have laughed at these jokes.

Everyone lift your glass and help me toast a terrific lady: Here's to you, Bonnie! Happy Mothers Day to you and many more!

See Cartoons by Cartoon by Patrick Corrigan - Courtesy of Politicalcartoons.com - Email this Cartoon

Jokes and Peanut Gallery Commentary


A constantly nagged and harried husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year Christmas came again and this year he didn't buy her any gift.
Mother-in-law was upset and asked the son-in-law why was she forgotten this time.

The angry son-in-law responded, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" (think there is a bit of resentment in that family?)





Q: What do you call a blonde mother-in-law?
A: An air bag. (Hmmm...blondes are supposed to be air heads and mother-in-laws are old middle-aged wind bags - not too bad, a bit weak but somewhat amusing)





Have you heard about this woman who took her mother-in-law to the
zoo and threw her into the crocodile pool? She is now being sued by
the SPCA for being cruel to the crocodiles. (that's cold, man)





A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said, "Darling,
it's my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy her?

She would like something electric." The husband replied, "How about a chair?" (secretly hoping she would be electrocuted)





Wife: Dear, this afternoon the big clock fell off the wall. Had it
fallen a moment sooner, my mother would have been hit on the
head and badly hurt.

Husband: Oh, my God! That clock has always been slow. (Ouch!)




Fred And Rick Were In A Pub. Fred Says To His Mate, 'My Mother-In-Law Is An Angel.'
Rick Replies, 'You're Lucky. Mine Is Still Alive.' (Australians and the Brits are chilly in more ways than one!)





Adam and Eve were the happiest, and the luckiest, couple in the world, because neither of them had a mother-in-law. (Now that's one way to look at it)





A pharmacist tells a customer, 'In order to buy arsenic you need a legal prescription. A picture of your mother-in-law just isn't enough.' (The things people do. That's why they call them "people.")





This guy says to his buddy, "You'll never believe what happened last night."

His buddy says, "Well then, tell me what happened."

The guy says, "Last night the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, there was my ex-mother-in-law on the front porch."

She said, "Can I stay here for a few days?"

I said, "Of course, you can," and shut the door.





So you want to become my son-in-law?

Not exactly. I just want to marry your daughter. (Well, at least he doesn't lie to you)





I gave my mother-in-law a waterproof, shockproof, anti-magnetic, unbreakable watch. She went and lost it.





What's the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.





And since this is a cheeky humor blog - maybe we should save this one for Fathers Day? :)

Overheard:

"She's the kind of girl you'd like to bring home to mother - If
you could trust your father."


*** Make sure to pay a visit to The Mother Post for all the funny links from several other Mothers Day posts to enjoy:

Funny Mothers Day Quotes and Trivia - Cheeky Quote Day 28 Apr 2010

*** THANKS for visiting, feel welcome to drop a comment or opinion, enjoy bookmarking this post on your favorite social site, a big shout out to awesome current subscribers – and if you are new to this blog, please subscribe in a reader or by email updates!

7 Funny Quips 10 Mar 2010

From Denny: Spring has sprung around here. For the past week I've been "enjoying" the pollen season... and buying out the grocery store's entire supply of tissues.

Enjoy these sillies and hoist a pint in my miserable honor! :)





Mattel is coming out with a talking Barbie.
They say it was easy to get Barbie to talk.
The problem was getting Ken to listen.





"Do ya think?"


Birthday Party

It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone.

As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a nude piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed.

When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled, "SURPRISE!"

My entire family: aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all my friends were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen with embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.

Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again.





Woman's Embarrassing Moments: Curl Up and Die

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"





This one sure is scary:

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Wonder which head?)





It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life.

This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

Now that's a plan.




Yes, one of those annoying dumb blonde jokes:

IDIOTS ON THE ROAD

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine(a blonde), when she asked if I knewwhat the buzzer was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

She responded, appalled "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"






"Do ya think?"


IDIOTS AT WORK

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card.

She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed.

When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the
credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt.

So I signed the credit card in front of her.

She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt.

As luck would have it, they matched.





ALSO for more rockin'good laughs:


13 Funny Quips 9 Mar 2010

8 Funny Quips 11 Mar 2010


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Ouch Joke: Blonde Repair Kit

Photo by BodogGirl @ flickr

Joke


Josh was helping Sally, a blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.

Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.

She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."

Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"

Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."