Video: The Good-O-Meter

While this has a serious message it really IS funny! The things people think that qualify for real spirituality...

Undergoing MyBlogLog Verification

Life Problems & Cheeky Solutions

Life Problem: My husband and boyfriends all are such slobs! I can't believe I'm attracted to the same kind of man over and over again. They all take off their clothes like a snake shedding its skin, leaving little piles all over the house. What should I do?

Cheeky Solution: Burn them! Keep them off balance by burning all their clothes - before they figure out you are a shared asset and burn you!

Photo by ckaroli @ flickr

Ouch Category! (or maybe Odd?)

O...K... hmmmm... double meaning here!

Photo by JoshBerglund19 @ flickr

Ouch Category!

This came from a FriendFeed Typography room.

Outrageous Category

OK, when was the last time you actually made a Dagwood sandwich that weighed in at over five pounds???! The author at Wikipedia stated that it fell over repeatedly as he tried to build and balance the crazy thing. Now who has a mouth large enough to chomp on this monstrosity?

Hmmm... maybe the old Saturday Night Live's Land Shark character might qualify!

Obnoxious Category

KKK member tries to get into Heaven

Picked up this cartoon somewhere along the way cruising the web. It made me laugh at how expectations are often met with reality like a pail of cold water thrown in your face. The fact that Obama is now President only makes me laugh the harder, especially since as a white kid who opposed the KKK when we first moved to Virginia all those years ago.

I still remember the death threats for speaking the truth. After they threatened me, I go so angry with them, I got louder and went on a crusade to turn everyone in my class (8th grade)away from that kind of stinking thinking that anyone else is supposed to put up with being a second class citizen in their own country.

Some people put up with bullying and others take to beating up on the bullies. At the time I was the size of a gnat but thought nothing of it to take on any injustice. There really is something to be said for mental toughness and daily perseverance.

BTW, guess what, most of them came around to my kind of thinking! And those few who didn't quit acting like jerks, at least in public. They finally started to question the hate their parents had been teaching them. They also suddenly realized there were outnumbered by people willing to speak against them and that really scared them.

Roundup of Late Night Shows' Funnies

Lampooning the Budget Blues

The Tonight Show

Leno: They're leaning towards the Swedish model for banks. You know, I've got a better idea. How about opening banks with all Swedish models. That's how banks should go.


Jimmy Kimmel Live

Kimmel: The spending package passed with almost no Republican support, but Obama said he's focused on bringing real bipartisanship to government. He sent every Republican a jar of peanuts, which I thought was nice.


The Late Show

Letterman: Here's how bad things are California. They've canceled the next three mud slides. That's how bad…

The Late Late Show

Ferguson: It was very bad news for Sarah Palin. Good news and bad news. The bad news was the IRS says she owes thousands of dollars in back taxes. The good news is she now qualifies to be in Obama's Cabinet.

The Tonight Show

Leno: California lawmakers have been pulling all-nighters, trying to pass the budget. They're literally sleeping there. [Video of lawmakers asleep, with voiceover: "As night stretched into morning, the building lockdown turned the Capitol into an unwilling slumber party. Democratic leaders seeking a breakthrough for this historic interest..." (Leno sneaks in to puts sleeping lawmakers' hands in warm water).]

Funny Satan from GodChecker.com

Godchecker.com

From Denny: This has got to be the funniest, yet accurate information, on mythology and ancient religion I’ve ever seen. It will have you laughing so much you will fall off your chair. Definitely a place to visit again and again when the work week gets dull or stressful. These guys are a regular laugh riot!

Here’s a sample of what they had to say about Satan on their page: Satan


"Gods from Middle-Eastern Mythology

Also known as DEVIL, PRINCE-OF-DARKENSS, HA-SATAN, ACCUSER, DIABOLOS, OLD-NICK, STAN

SATAN: The Devil — Mr. All-round Evil Genius and the Adversary of GOD — particularly the Christian variety JEHOVAH.

A rebel angel, he was originally the team leader of the spiritual world, possessing great power and responsibility. But he turned nasty and tried to set himself up as a rival to GOD. As a punishment for his rebellious pride, he was cast out of Heaven, along with a rabble of other rebels.

Now SATAN rules the infernal regions of Hell, with an army of demons to do his bidding. Out of pure malice and vengeance, he aims to overthrow the established order by turning humans against GOD. Using every trick in the book, he spreads evil whispers, plants the seeds of doubt, and tempts the unwary to fall from grace.

SATAN relishes his role of troublemaker and tempter. And let's face it; he's pretty good at his job. No wonder JESUS called him the Prince of this World.

What does SATAN look like? Answer: anything he likes. According to legend, his appearance ranges from the demonic to the smart. He can have the traditional horns, scales, a forked tail, the head of a goat, cloven feet — or turn up as a smooth dude in the latest Italian suit. But there's always more to him than meets the eye; his own eyes can glow like red-hot coals.

As with most things in Christianity, older legends and rival religions had a strong influence on the concept of SATAN. The Persian baddie AHRIMAN was sucked in — and popular Gods such as BAAL were twisted into evil versions such as BEELZEBUB.

This also happened with PAN, a very popular God whose sexual antics horrified the Church so much that they labeled him the Devil. That is why SATAN has goat's legs and horns. If PAN could sue for libel the Church wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

Because the Old Testament has little to say on the subject of SATAN, the early Christians were free to speculate as they formulated their new theology. What wasn't already present in Jewish tradition they could plunder from elsewhere or downright

A rebel angel, he was originally the team leader of the spiritual world, possessing great power and responsibility. But he turned nasty and tried to set himself up as a rival to GOD. As a punishment for his rebellious pride, he was cast out of Heaven, along with a rabble of other rebels.

Now SATAN rules the infernal regions of Hell, with an army of demons to do his bidding. Out of pure malice and vengeance, he aims to overthrow the established order by turning humans against GOD. Using every trick in the book, he spreads evil whispers, plants the seeds of doubt, and tempts the unwary to fall from grace.

SATAN relishes his role of troublemaker and tempter. And let's face it, he's pretty good at his job. No wonder JESUS called him the Prince of this World.

What does SATAN look like? Answer: anything he likes. According to legend, his appearance ranges from the demonic to the smart. He can have the traditional horns, scales, a forked tail, the head of a goat, cloven feet — or turn up as a smooth dude in the latest Italian suit. But there's always more to him than meets the eye; his own eyes can glow like red-hot coals.

As with most things in Christianity, older legends and rival religions had a strong influence on the concept of SATAN. The Persian baddie AHRIMAN was sucked in — and popular Gods such as BAAL were twisted into evil versions such as BEELZEBUB.

This also happened with PAN, a very popular God whose sexual antics horrified the Church so much that they labelled him the Devil. That is why SATAN has goat's legs and horns. If PAN could sue for libel the Church wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

Because the Old Testament has little to say on the subject of SATAN, the early Christians were free to speculate as they formulated their new theology. What wasn't already present in Jewish tradition they could plunder from elsewhere or downright
invent. This was especially popular in medieval times, when cataloging the attributes of demons and angels was virtually a career. You could almost get a government research grant for it.

Case in point: SATAN is also known as LUCIFER. Why? Lucifer is a Latin word meaning Light-Bearer. St JEROME (4th Century) used it to denote the Greek word Heosphoros when he was translating the Bible into Latin. But Heosphoros means 'morning star', and the Biblical passage in question (Isaiah 14) is really just taunting the King of Babylon. ("You think you're as bright as Venus, but God's gonna get ya!")

Still, the name stuck and legends of Lucifer sprang up all over. From Light-Bearer to Prince of Darkness. Poor old VENUS should sue for libel too.

SATAN seems to inspire an eerie fascination and turns up in the most unlikely places. In his devilish guise he leaves bits of himself all over the landscape. Devil's Elbow, Devil's Footprints, Devil's Hollow, Devil's Chimney, Devil's Dyke... We think he just likes to be noticed.

SATAN: The Devil – Mr. All-‘Round Evil Genius and the Adversary of GOD – particularly the Christian variety JEHOVAH."

From Denny: Who said religion can't be fun? Extensive site on all kinds of ancient mythology and religion facts, help for students too. Humor is an effective way to teach ancient history!

Besides, to hear the Pentacostals tell it: Satan hates to be laughed at as that is the way you gain power over him! Laughter rules! Goodness wins the day through laughter. Works for me!

Roundup of Late Night Shows' Funnies

Earmarks and Bailouts and Fraud, Oh My!

From: ABC News This Week with George Stephanopoulous


The Late Late Show

Ferguson: Here's how bad the economy is. "Sesame Street" has had to lay off 67 people. Now all the characters are living in garbage cans.


Jimmy Kimmel Live

Kimmel: The president said we can't stick with the school calendar that was created during a time when most Americans were farmers. He is right. We need a new school calendar for a time when most Americans are unemployed.


The Tonight Show

Leno: Citigroup showed a profit and had its best quarter since 2007. They made $8 billion in profit. That just goes to show you, you give a company $45 billion in government bailout money, and they'll show you how to turn it into $8 billion.

The Colbert Report

Colbert: Today he announced he is ending the abuse of earmarks! [Cut to graphic bill.] Then, to show he means business, he signed an appropriations bill containing nearly 9,000 earmarks... Now, the bill was written months ago and the president signed it reluctantly. You can tell by looking at his signature [full screen signature with a big frownie face in O of Obama].


Late Night

Letterman: Bernie [Madoff] and his wife, Ruth, have been in the penthouse. They got together and said we have $69 million. We'd like to hang on this $69 million. They said are you nuts? This is not fraud money. This is money we saved by switching to Geico.

Playing Leap Frog may be dangerous to your health

"You talking about me?" Photo by Lida Rose @ flickr

“A truly wise man never plays leap frog with a unicorn.” Retro TV show Banachek’s version of a Polish proverb.

Pink dolphin appears in USA lake

Right here in Louisiana!

News story:

The world's only PINK Bottlenose dolphin which was discovered in an inland lake in Louisiana, USA, has become such an attraction that conservationists have warned tourists to leave it alone.

Charter boat captain Erik Rue, 42, photographed the animal, which is actually an albino, when he began studying it after the mammal first surfaced in Lake Calcasieu, an inland saltwater estuary, north of the Gulf of Mexico in southwestern USA.

Capt. Rue originally saw the dolphin, which also has reddish eyes, swimming with a pod of four other dolphins, with one appearing to be its mother which never left its side.

He said: "I just happened to see a little pod of dolphins, and I noticed one that was a little lighter.

"It was absolutely stunningly pink.

"I had never seen anything like it. It's the same color throughout the whole body and it looks like it just came out of a paint booth.

"The dolphin appears to be healthy and normal other than its coloration, which is quite beautiful and stunningly pink.

"The mammal is entirely pink from tip to tail and has reddish eyes indicating its albinism. The skin appears smooth, glossy pink and without flaws.

"I have personally spotted the pink dolphin 40 to 50 times in the time since the original sighting as it has apparently taken up residence with its family in the Calcasieu ship channel.

"As time has passed the young mammal has grown and sometimes ventures away from its mother to feed and play but always remains in the vicinity of the pod.

"Surprisingly, it does not appear to be drastically affected by the environment or sunlight as might be expected considering its condition, although it tends to remain below the surface a little more than the others in the pod."

Regina Asmutis-Silvia, senior biologist with the Whale and Dolphin Conservation Society, said: "I have never seen a dolphin coloured in this way in all my career.

"It is a truly beautiful dolphin but people should be careful, as with any dolphins, to respect it - observe from a distance, limit their time watching, don't chase or harass it.

"While this animal looks pink, it is an albino which you can notice in the pink eyes.

"Albinism is a genetic trait and it unclear as to the type of albinism this animal inherited."

A close relation of dolphins, the Amazon River Botos, called pink dolphins, live in South America in the Amazon.

From: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/4927224/Pink-dolphin-appears-in-US-lake.html

New Funny Fad

Offbeat News from EnvironmentalGraffiti.com:

Russian ice bungee jumping! What will they think of next? These folks have been cooped up inside the house too long this winter...:)

Cheeky Quote Day! 19 March 2009

Photo by brokinhrt2 @ flickr

From Denny: If it's Wednesday, it's Cheeky Quote Day over at one of my other blogs: The Social Poets! Enjoy!

The folks over at flickr continue to amuse me so I thought you might enjoy some chuckles, giggles and pure silliness too! The cat in the sink is named Fatso by his owners, a sweet kitty who just loves to sleep in the bathroom sink.

I've known a few kitties like that in my lifetime as cats are always expanding and exploring their territories, sort of like humans, hmmm... When was the last time you humans slept in the bathtub? Probably not since your college days and pledging some club! Cheeky Quote Day is back again this Wednesday to keep you going through the work week, enjoy!

***

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

- George Carlin, American comedian, actor and author, especially noted for his political and black humor and his observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many taboo subjects.

***

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” - Drew Carey, American comedian, actor, and game show host.

***

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”

- Jack Handey, an American humorist best known for his Deep Thoughts, a large body of surrealistic one-liner jokes, as well as his "Fuzzy Memories" and "My Big Thick Novel" shorts.

Many people have the false impression that Jack Handey is not an actual person, but a character created by Saturday Night Live or a pen name used by National Lampoon.

***

“If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” - Earl Wilson, American athlete

***

And... from the crabby lady herself:



The cartoon is from: Squiffy's House of Fun & Laughter for Multiple Sclerosis. If you are able to donate $1 or more to their cause please do so, thank you! They offer lots of funny cartoons in the hopes you will donate.

Roundup of Late Night Shows' Funnies

From ABC News' This Week with George Stephanopoulous


Tonight Show

Leno: We gave them $165 billion. Now we're giving them $30 billion. You know what AIG stands for? "And It's Gone!"


Colbert Report

Colbert: I get one of these every month from my broker, all right, this is looking okay. This is -- oh my god!! [portfolio bursts into flame].


Late Night

Letterman: The guy is saying it's a good time to buy stocks. So here's what you do, instead of that latte you buy in the morning, pick yourself up a thousand shares of GM.


Tonight Show

Leno: The Obama family finally getting their dog. Kevin: Oh, great. Jay: They're getting their dog, yeah. They say they're getting a Portuguese water dog. Kevin: Really? Jay: And today Rush Limbaugh said he hopes the dog fails!


Real Time

Maher: No wonder Obama has gray hair. That was the big story in the paper yesterday. Did you see that? Obama now has grey hair. Wow, now his hair isn't black enough!


Colbert Report

Colbert: He got Sasha and Malia a new swing set on the South Lawn. Adorable. Jimmy, put this on a full frame. It's got a climbing wall, a tire swing and in the back there's a slide so you can pretend you're the Dow Jones index.