From Denny: Spring has sprung around here. For the past week I've been "enjoying" the pollen season... and buying out the grocery store's entire supply of tissues.
Enjoy these sillies and hoist a pint in my miserable honor! :)
Mattel is coming out with a talking Barbie.
They say it was easy to get Barbie to talk.
The problem was getting Ken to listen.
"Do ya think?"
Birthday Party
It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone.
As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a nude piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed.
When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled, "SURPRISE!"
My entire family: aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all my friends were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen with embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.
Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again.
Woman's Embarrassing Moments: Curl Up and Die
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
This one sure is scary:
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Wonder which head?)
It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.
Now that's a plan.
Yes, one of those annoying dumb blonde jokes:
IDIOTS ON THE ROAD
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine(a blonde), when she asked if I knewwhat the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
She responded, appalled "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"
"Do ya think?"
IDIOTS AT WORK
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card.
She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed.
When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the
credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt.
So I signed the credit card in front of her.
She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt.
As luck would have it, they matched.
ALSO for more rockin'good laughs:
13 Funny Quips 9 Mar 2010
8 Funny Quips 11 Mar 2010
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