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| Phyllis Diller portrait (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
From Denny: Share these funny quotes this holiday with your mother, wife, sister, grandmother, aunt or mother-in-law. Fortunately, after all the stress of daily living women can still joke about what it is to be a parent.
Isn't it something how men can watch a woman in action mothering the children and make peanut gallery comments on their performances? Yeah, buddy, your turn! Go for it; your day is coming. :) Appreciate their sense of humor and celebrate it this Mothers Day!
Quotes
* I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. - Phyllis Diller, comic
* There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. - Chinese Proverb
* It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him. - Helen Rowland
* Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young. - Anonymous
* Mothers are all slightly insane. - J.D. Salinger
* The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. - Calvin Trillin
* A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for ever after. - Peter De Vries
* It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. - Phyllis Diller
* All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. - Oscar Wilde, playwright and all around cheeky guy
* A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. - Tenneva Jordan
* You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back. - William D. Tammeus
* Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life. - Anonymous
* Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease. - LisaAlther
* My mother had to send me to the movies with my birth certificate (because I was so tall for my age), so that I wouldn't have to pay the extra fifty cents that the adults had to pay. - KareemAbdul-Jabbar
* My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. - Mark Twain
* The hand that rocks the cradle usually is attached to someone who isn't getting enough sleep. - John Fiebig
* I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Anonymous
* The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. "Yes," she replied. "But not the same ones. - David Finkelstein
* My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett, comic
I just love these two funnies:
* A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday school presentation. His mother was in the front row to prompt him. She gestured and formed the words silently with her lips, but it did not help. Her son's memory was blank. Finally, she leaned forward and whispered the cue, "I am the light of the world." The child beamed and with great feeling and a loud clear voice said, "My mother is the light of the world." - Bits and Pieces, 1989
* A teacher gave her class of second graders a lesson on the magnet and what it does. The next day in a written test, she included this question: "My full name has six letters. The first one is M. I pick up things. What am I?" When the test papers were turned in, the teacher was astonished to find that almost 50 percent of the students answered the question with the word "Mother." - Anonymous
*** Make sure to pay a visit to The Mother Post for all the funny links from several other Mothers Day posts to enjoy:
Funny Mothers Day Quotes and Trivia - Cheeky Quote Day 28 Apr 2010
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