Joke: Smart Dog Goes Meat Shopping

Smart Dog

A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's his turn to be helped. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked the dog what it wanted today. The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said, "How many pounds?"
The dog barked twice, so the butcher made a package of two pounds ground beef.

He then said, "Anything else?"

The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher said, "How many?"

The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up a package of four pork chops.

The dog then walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get at the purse. The butcher took out the appropriate amount of money and tied two packages of meat around the dog's neck. The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow the dog. It walked for several blocks and then walked up to a house and began to scratch at the door to be let in. As the owner opened the door, the man said to the owner, "That's a really smart dog you have there."

The owner said, "He's not really all that smart. This is the second time this week he forgot his key."


Ground beef, Dogbert, Pork chop, Butcher, Home, Food, Cooking, Meat, Pork, smart dog, jokes

Joke: Cat Goes to Heaven

Tokoyo Cat Cafe where for $10 customers can play with their favorite cat - Image by Getty Images via Daylife

From Denny: Found this over at Jokes.net, enjoy!

Cat Goes to Heaven

One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know." The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again, there is the Lord there to great them with the same offer. The mice answer, "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?" The Lord says, "Say no more," and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.

About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?"

The cat stretches and yawns and replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"



Cat, Roller skates, Heaven, Family, Pets, Lord, jokes, Humor

Video: Cat in the Sack

From Denny: This short video gives new meaning to pet boredom. What kind of a cat walks around the house with a paper sack on his head for fun? Well, this guy does; talk about strange. Time to roll out the pet psychiatrist and pay the deductible, folks!

Just click on the title link to take you there as Yahoo Video only provides links. Also, look for the video by this title of Cat in the Sack on the page.

Cat photo by chefranden @ flickr

Cat, funny pets, funny video, humor

Did You Hear About the Latest Funny Cat Study?

From Denny: This one really made me laugh! Do they know one of my cats? C'mon, this IS a humor blog... There is not a real cat study going on that I know of, however, for the right price of a few million government dollars I'll be more than happy to do one. Tell me: What outcome would you most prefer? I'll make sure to meet your marketing needs.

Image by Brimley via Flickr

Quote

Cat Law of Selective Hearing: "A cat can hear a mouse yawning a mile away, while filtering out the sound of a pleading human just six feet away." - Anonymous

Cat, Yawn, Marketing, Humor

Funny Photo: Surreal Underwater Reality

From Denny: I just love these kind of bizarre yet artful photos that make you really think deeper about what you think is true in your life! :) From instantshift.com




art photos, funny photos, Bizarre, odd, surreal art, weird fish, weird

Video: What Made Wedding Video a Web Hit?

From Denny: From reporter Mike Taibbi he explains why this wedding video has taken the world by storm. This is also a good video for people who are still scratching their heads trying to figure out what all the fuss is about on this one video.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Video: Wedding Party Recreates Blissful Boogie for Today Show

From Denny: They are at it again for national TV! One of the ushers is now in a cast since the original wedding video and was still in the dance.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Video: 9 of 9 Worst Products of All Time - Aroma Trim

From Denny: It seems like the last product trumps the next one. Does it get any worse? There are definitely some really strange folks out in the world today. You wonder if they come up with these products while on an acid trip. What is even weirder is that someone is actually willing to manufacture these products and then another group willing to promote them. It must be a mass hallucination or hypnosis going on to get these to market!

The elderly woman promoting this product looks like an aging Hollywood grifter. "Sniff this product and you will stay on your diet and never crave food again" is their claim. Ya know what else gets the same result? Cocaine. Makes you wonder what's in this product... Oh, BTW, these folks in the video are all just sniffing a piece of plastic. Talk about selling by the power of suggestion!




Psychedelic experience, Business, Bruno movie comedy Cohen terrorist humor funny video, Materials and Supplies, Food industry, Hypnosis, Food and Related Products, Hypnotherapy, Health, weird ads

Odd Viral Video: Wedding Entrance Dance

From Denny: Enjoy this fun version of how to do your wedding day! It's gone viral on the web. This will make your day for the happiness quotient!

Video: 8 of 9 Worst Products of All Time - Toilet Paper Foam Moistener

From Denny: Yawn, yet another weirdo butt product for you to "enjoy." Who comes up with these things? They claim this advanced product will make your ordinary toilet paper rise to the category of extraordinary! (You have got to be kidding.)

Basically, this is the American convenience fast food version of the French bidet. After all, to quote the salesman hawking this product in the video, "You control the wetness." Enough said. Toilet humor is a bottomless pit of available jokes...





Toilet paper, Humor, Toilets, funny videos, weird ads

Video: 7 of 9 Worst Products of All Time - Facial Flex Exerciser

From Denny: OK, I need to create a Creepy Category because this really is! Ewwww! Definitely one of those kinds of bizarre devices the S & M fetish folks would perversely enjoy...

These ad people must be getting paid a lot of money to promote this weirdness. Conversation when ad guy comes home at night for dinner, wife calls out from the kitchen, "Hi, honey! What did you do today at work?" Husband calls back, "Oh, nothing really special, just promoting some exercise equipment to a chain of fetish stores. What's for dinner?"

Save yourself the $30 and just put on the TV, watch a funny movie and laugh a lot - same muscles they are claiming to exercise!



Adult, Fetishes, Kids and Teens, weird ads, Sexuality, Exercise equipment, Fitness, funny video

Video: 6 of 9 Worst Products of All Time - Ayd's Appetite Suppressant Candy

From Denny: This product is more the victim of its name in today's AIDS plagued society. To hear this now historical ad video talk about how wonderful it is to have Ayds - when they originally meant a diet aid - well, it really sounds weird today. Some things are just not evergreen content, right? :)




Aid, Ayds, Health, Conditions and Diseases, HIV, Sexually transmmitted dieseases

Video: 5 of 9 Worst Products of All Time - Rejuvenique Electric Facial Mask

From Denny: More weird from the moron ad agencies that actually promote this stuff. They actually try to convince you that you are doing a work-out on your face without doing a work-out: sit-ups for your face with this mask. It looks more like you are getting dressed up as a serial killer for Halloween. Oh, and did I mention that you will be essentially electrocuting yourself voluntarily while wearing your fancy serial killer mask? Yeah, let's all go out and buy this idiot product! :)

This Week: Roundup of Sunday Funnies - Biden Licks the Plates

From Denny: Here's the latest on the late night show funnies, enjoy!

Photo by Tansan @ flickr

The Late Show With David Letterman

David Letterman: [Former Vice President Dick Cheney's] speech went over pretty well. I mean, Cheney was interrupted five times by applause and 50 times by people screaming, "Stop! I'll tell you everything! What do you want to know?"

Late Night With Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy Fallon: Michelle Obama's on the cover of Time magazine this week. She says she has dinner with a Barack and the kids every night, and then -- oh, it's so cute -- Joe Biden jumps up and tries to lick the plates.

The Colbert Report

David Letterman: The C.I.A. fired back, saying, "It is not our policy or practice to mislead Congress." It's true. Sometimes they just get lucky.

Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart: [President Obama] opened with some familiar rhetoric.

President Obama: Keeping American people safe, it's the first thing I think about when I wake up.

Former President Bush: I wake up every day thinking about how I can best protect America.

Obama: You can't count on a surrender ceremony.

Bush: There will be no surrender ceremony.

Obama: To disrupt, dismantle, defeat al Qaeda.

Bush: To disrupt and destroy terrorists.

Stewart: I love it when he does all the Bush covers.


Joe Biden, Jimmy Fallon, Dick Cheney, Late Show with David Letterman, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Michelle Obama, George W. Bush, Barack Obama

Video: 4 of 9 Worst Products of All Time - Boobs Kush Support

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Outrageous Video: "I"Justine Wants A Pizza!

From Denny: This girl, Justine, is so funny! She cold calls a bunch of stores asking to order a pizza. Most of them don't catch on to her snarky ways but one guy finally did and the exchange and how she gets out of it is hilarious! He really nailed her and his comments are unbelievable. Of course, her close-up facial expressions steal the show, enjoy!



comedy, funny videos, hilarious, IJustine.com

Video: 3 of 9 Worst Products of All Time - BumpIts, Hair Volumizing Inserts

From Denny: Apparently, the fashionistas are declaring that flat hair is no longer fashionable this year. Instead of stressing the hair by teasing it to create "big hair" like they have loved in Texas over the decades - whether it was in or out of fashion - you can now place an insert under the hair area to bump it out for the desired effect.

So, now, instead of teasing your hair and getting split ends and broken hair shafts mid-way up your hair style - now you can rip your hair out from the roots as your scalp goes bald from the inserts' combs digging into your scalp. Hey! Sounds like a great trade-off to me! Fashion hurts, people! You have to pay to play! :)



Hair, Beauty, Scalp, Fashion, Health, Big hair, Shopping, split ends, teasing, Texas

Video: 2 of 9 Worst Products of All Time - Seat Belt Tiddy Bear

From Denny: Considering how the name of the product sounds like female anatomy slang in English - just how do these actors keep a straight face while advertising this bizarre product? Basically, it's a beany baby (stuffed animal) that attaches to your seat belt for you to slide up or down for comfort from chafing. There is so much more that could be said here but I'll behave and not go there... :) Take a look at the Tiddy Bear for your next car!



Slang, Seat belt, English language, Society and Culture, English, Stuffed animal, Tiddy Bear, worst products in the world, Social Sciences, Children, Language

Video: 1 of 9 Worst Products of All Time - Comfort Wipe

From Denny: These guys are serious about selling this product! A bit disgusting. Their pitch is to use a long plastic handle with the toilet paper attached to wipe your dirty butt so you don't have to handle the dirty toilet paper. Uh, isn't the plastic wand going to get bacteria compromised too? It gets amusing when the weird endorsements start rolling out. They even try to convince your feeble mind that their product elevates ordinary toilet paper to the level of extraordinary toilet paper, unbelievable mind "crap." (sorry, couldn't resist the awful pun...) Take a look!



Bathroom, Home and Garden, Pulp and Paper, Shopping, Toilet paper, Toilet Seats, worst products in the world, Humor, Bizarre, Toilets, funny videos

Obnoxious Video: News of the Absurd - Twitter, a Cat named Soc and Religion

From Denny: It's all about Twitter and the absurd in this amusing CNN segment!



CNN Humor News Of the Absurd Twitter Religion Soc Cat Twitter Followers

Outrageous Video: That Pack of Cigarettes Cost HOW MUCH??? Are You Crazy!!!

From Denny: This definitely "fits the bill" for outrageous AND from one of our "favorite" banks, Bank of America, the same folks who took the bailout money, pluncked it down on their financial bottom line and then proceeded to overcharge and fee to death all their customers! Now they are outrageously overcharging this guy for a pack of cigarettes at a gas station and declared his account overdrawn: unbelievable. What kind of squirrels are running that company?



outrageous cigarettes Bank of America overcharge fees

Outrageous Video: Bruno (Comedian Cohen) Talks with Real Terrorist

From Denny: I usually ignore outrageous movie previews but I have to admit this comedian is actually funnier and MORE outrageous in interview! Check him out on the late night circuit and his interview with a terrorist who clearly looked ticked off! We may have to label his style of comedy as terrorist comedy...



Bruno movie comedy Cohen terrorist humor funny video

Obnoxious: Frito Lay Angrily Introduces Line Of Healthy Snacks

From Denny: This funny grin of an article is from our friends over at the wonderfully irreverant The Onion!

WARNING: Of course, for the tender-minded who don't want to read annoying profanity in place of real vocabulary, you might want to pass... otherwise, proceed at your own risk of laughter!

Here's an excerpt:




PLANO, TX—With the recent trend of wholesome snack foods reaching "truly ridiculous proportions," Frito-Lay announced Monday that it would, against its better judgment, roll out a new line of healthy fruit-and-vegetable-based chips next February.

"Here," said Frito-Lay CEO Al Carey as he disgustedly tossed a bag of the company's new Flat Earth-brand snack crisps onto the lectern during a meeting with shareholders and members of the press. "Here's some shit that's made from beets. I hope you're all happy now that you have your precious beet chips with the recommended daily serving of fruit, or vegetables, or whatever the hell a 'beet' is."

"Mmm, dehydrated bulb things," Carey added. "Sounds delicious."

Carey appeared visibly appalled as Frito-Lay employees distributed Flat Earth snack samples to the audience.

"God help us all, would you look at these flavors," said Carey, gesturing toward a display showcasing the several varieties of Flat Earth chips, including Kauliflower Krunch, Raisins 'N Chives, Cranberry Spinach Explosion, Rutabaga Yum, Tofu Snaps, Eggplant Ecstasy, Broccoloroos, and Watercress. "Look at what you've reduced us to."

Frito-Lay delivery people drop off a "bunch of bullshit to some pricks somewhere."

"Weren't Sun Chips healthy enough for you, you goddamn hippie bastards?" Carey added.

Frito-Lay spokeswoman Lisa Greeley, who said that the company made a commitment in 2004 to develop a healthier line of snacks but "never thought it would actually come to this," described the Flat Earth brand as "tailor-made for the small, vocal minority of health-conscious consumers who apparently can't just be content with salads, bananas, apples, or any of the literally thousands of fruits and vegetables already widely available."

"Our new veggie snacks combine the zesty tang of parsnip, the most mouthwatering root vegetable out there, with the bold flavor of, let's say, jute?" said Greeley before reluctantly bringing a Turnips 'N Radish chip to her mouth and forcing down a full bite. "It's a brand-new taste sensation unlike anything you've ever experienced, unless you've ever eaten sisal twine."

For the last half of the article just click on the title link to take you to their site. Thanks for visiting!

Ouch Video: Man and Car Wash Vacuum Having Sex Plus Commentary

From Denny: Just when you thought you have heard all the most ridiculous things people do, there's yet another one to top the last stupid stunt. This is an actual news story - what's funny too is the commentary that comes after as this talk show guy decides to start selling vacuums - reads like an improv comedy skit! :) From the Morning Joe show's News You Can't Use segment.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

weird news odd news vacuum car wash Morning Joe

Odd Video: Evian Ad

From Denny: Entertaining, unusual and just plain odd! Amusing, harmless and there is no way it is what it appears to be. Some great visual effects though, enjoy!

Odd Video: Comedian Robin Williams & Friends on Whose Line

From Denny: OK, this is a natural for the hump day of the week, Wednesday! Make sure you watch it all the way to the end as they are doing improv and the last skit is a made-up gospel song, that with their antics, is quite funny, enjoy!



Robin Williams Whose Line funny humor video odd comedy performing arts improvisational Arts gospel song

Outragous Category: Cancel Your Credit Cards BEFORE You Die

From Denny: As if you will have advance warning as to when you will die. Have you seen this funny email about how stupid credit card companies are these days? Whether it's a true account or not - we all have had conversations with our credit card companies that border on this lunacy! :) Maybe I should come up with an award for this. Any suggestions of what to title that award? :)

Photo by I'm Fantastic @ flickr (Bozo Sapiens rather fits this incredible story...)

***

Now some people are really stupid!!!!

Be sure and cancel your credit cards, before you die.

This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died in January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge.. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.

Here is the exchange:

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Citibank: 'Either report her account to the fraud division, or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Citibank: 'Excuse me?'

Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'

Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'

(so if you have a $0 balance how can they charge late fees & charges?)

Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)

Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given )

After they get the fax:

Citibank: 'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you can just keep billing her. She won't care.'

Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'

(What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'

Citibank: 'That might help....'

Family Member: 'Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 68.'

Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'

(Priceless!!)

And you wondered why Citi Corp is going broke and needs the feds to bail them out!!


Citibank Citi Corp credit card companies bailout death fees God humor funny bizarre weird news odd outrageous obnoxious credit cards customer service banking services business financial services God humor funny

Video: Police in Paradise - Making Out in Front of Dangerous Prisoner

From Denny: Will stupid ever reach a new height? Here is a video of a police chief and his "deputy" officer transporting a dangerous prisoner when they decided it must have made them "hot" for each other. What did they do? They started making out and other delightful things - all in front of the prisoner sitting in the back seat getting quite a show! Hmm... not to mention there was a dashboard camera - a "dash cam" recording their stupidity. Yay! Now the folks in Ohio know where their tax dollars are going!

This is from the News You Can't Use segment at NBC:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

police chief making out prisoner video stupidity

Video: Independence Day Trivia

From Denny: This is well worth the watching! While I knew most of the dry facts - what I didn't know were some of the ancedotal stories that went along with those historical facts that spoke a lot to the personalities and conflicts of that time.


Watch CBS Videos Online

Independence Day Fourth of July America Thomas Jefferson George Washington Declaration of Independence people and society holidays United States CBS videos American history

Video: The Crown of Liberty

Then First Lady Nancy Reagan reopens Statue of Liberty on 100th birthday Image via Wikipedia

From Denny: This is a really good video on the updates to and the history of visiting the Statue of Liberty AND you get an inside view from the top looking out over the harbor - best video I've seen on the recent renovation project. It's nice to see we have an administration who promotes freedom instead of fear by reopening the Statue of Liberty and other federal buildings like the White House to the viewing from the public!


Watch CBS Videos Online

CBS Statue of Liberty freedom America United States travel renovation video Obama tourism New York Manhattan Society and culture

Read a Tribute Poem About Michael Jackson

Word Cloud Photo by Denny Lyon
Copyright 2 July 2009
All Rights Reserved

Read a tribute poem about the passing of a music legend over at The Social Poets blog under this post of a coffee recipe and a poem:

Libations Friday! 3 July 2009

Have a safe weekend, everyone! Thanks for visiting!

Denny

Fireworks Faves

Fireworks Faves, originally uploaded by KaroliK.

Fourth of July Firefall

Firefall, originally uploaded by Paul Vernon Photography.

The mortars and candles are all placed on a barge, which is moored just offshore in the Columbia River. The entire show is fired by a computer and is synced with music that is broadcast on a local FM radio station. The head honcho is required to hold down a "deadman switch" for the entire length of the display (about 45 minutes.) If he releases the button, the show stops....

Uploaded by Paul Vernon Photography on 14 Dec 06, 2.20AM CDT.

Odd Video: Japan's Oldest Porn Star

From Denny: OK, this is the last thing I thought I'd find while researching for interesting videos... Nothing titillating here but it sure is odd for a man to begin his porn career at about age 60.

He says he wants to inspire other elderly men. I can only imagine the comments: Old guys at a nursing home gathered in front of the TV, passing the popcorn, and saying, "You go, man! Do it for the team!" A room full of giggles from the staff passing by.

Too bad they didn't interview some of the Japanese public as I'd like to hear their thoughts. See what you think.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Odd Video: Weird News - Pig Parade, Stupid Racoon, 4th of July Weird Safety Video

From Denny: Leave it to Keith Olbermann to bring us some of the weirdest of weird out there in real life! :)

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Odd Category: Teaching These Lovable Big Kitties to Stay Off the Kitchen Counters

From Denny: I dare you - I double dare you - to tell these cats to get off the counter!

Photo from dailymail in the uk on article about a South African woman, Riana Van Nieuwenhuizen, who took in 4 orphaned cheetahs, 5 lions and two tigers. Cool lady!

Ouch Category: Splat! Guess That Parachute Didn't Open

From Denny: Whoa! Major ouch! Hope that's just an art installation, some people don't look too sure...definitely the art of the double take going on here! :)